The Museum Game: Making something I hate

I'm currently sitting at my desk, having just implemented the ending sequence of I feel like a little girl lost in a museum. And I'm noticing I'm having interesting thoughts about the process and message of this game that won't leave until I write them down, so here goes.

If you are reading this, and you haven't played at least the I feel like a little girl lost in a museum section of this game pack yet, please stop reading and go play it first. Not because of spoilers, but because I'm going to talk a bunch about intended meaning and reaction, and I think you should form your own thoughts and feelings about this game without my intended meaning influencing that. 

So, you played through the museum game (or you're ignoring what I said in the previous paragraph. That's fair). In the ending, the game asks you "was it worth it?" And, it kind of has an answer for you. The answer is a resounding "no", right? You walked through 50 rooms, refusing to give up even if it was the only thing the game told you to do, and got no payoff whatsoever. And... I hate that message. I hope you did too. I hope you looked at that ending screen, and went "No, I disagree with that. I hate that you are telling me none of this is worth it and that I should've given up right at the start"

As I was implementing the ending and was figuring out what the ending text should be, I wanted to change the ending. Put something there. Make the girl escape the museum. And then I realized. I cannot do that. Because then, having been stuck in the museum would've been worth it.

I feel like a little girl lost in a museum is supposed to represent feeling lost in a hostile uncertain world, with the world telling you you don't belong in it, it is too big for you, and that you should just give up on living in it. It was inspired by me attempting to convey how I feel in a discord venting channel through metaphor. And although I am currently in a better place than when I ideated this game, I also know that that might be temporary. I don't know if being here is going to be worth it. I'm just going to have to not give up despite not having any indication that it will be worth it, on the hope that it might be worth it anyway. If the game had a positive ending, it would take away that uncertainty.

It would also take away that this game didn't have to feel so hostile, didn't have to have a negative ending. I, the developer, chose for that to be the case. I didn't give you, the player, any choice in this matter, apart from giving up and playing something else (a choice the girl in the museum doesn't really have). Which, again, reflects what is kind of a point I'm trying to make with this game. I hope you're angry at me, for putting you through the game with no payoff whatsoever. I'm certainly angry at the world, telling me art has no worth of its own until other people give it one (or it makes a rich person richer), telling me I have to be scared to hurt people because I cannot read their signs, telling me that me (often unintentionally) broadcasting my negative emotions instead of hiding them makes me a bad person, telling me that I have to hide who I am and what I think to be allowed to participate in a world not made for me.

I hope you reject the message this game sends you. I certainly am. It doesn't matter what the world tells me. I'm going to have hope that all of this is worth it, that there's going to be a place for me.

You played through the game and didn't give up. That should be worth something, even if the game isn't going to tell you that, I hope you know that on the inside.

Thank you for reading, and thank you for playing.